Putting aside the usual guilt trips and obligations of the holidays, I feel that my transition to Georgia is complete. I was told I left a 'good job' repetitively by family to the point of imminent nausea, but that's all I felt like I had up there; I don't miss Connecticut (Besides family.) I really don't.
I don't really hold the New Year in high regard (Or other dates, besides my wife's birthday and our anniversary.), because I usually believe change is a possibility year around, but the close of 2010 seems to have me concerned this year more than anything else!
My personal New Year's resolution for 2011, besides finding a good job (A given.) is to address my caliginous anxiety of artistic improvement.
Back in 2005 during my final semester in art school, I was criticized VERY harshly for having goals that didn't go in tandem with their agenda; also, they told me I didn't have a future as an artist. When the reality of me being delusional about relying on myself financially in this trade hit home, it slowly disintegrated my ability to draw and improve, though my creative drive was strong. I became afraid of parents, guilty for not being a better family member, dissatisfied with a string of failed friendships, and concerned about my diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. But I became sensitive to criticism and would often become shy and afraid when my artistic side was discovered out of fear of being put down, exploited (LOL DRAH MEH A TATUU REIGHT NOW!) or people exaggerating the extent of my talents. Yet, despite years of going to college and not making much of my skills, my artistic side is hungry after being denied and quelled for years. I want to rediscover this side of me that brought me joy and satisfaction, so that I can love myself for who I am once again.
For too long I've let my own trepidation divagate me from improvement! I will explore my right brain again and feel proud of it for once. I still doodle, but I feel that completing more of my works will improve my self-esteem. I've prepared my sketchbook for 2011, as well as compiling more scrap sheets for scratch paper. People with Asperger's Syndrome are known for their extreme reactions to criticism, but as an artist I need to take it better in stride.
My agenda put into simple steps:
- Work on human and animal anatomy; will rely more on photo references for poses and such.
- Work on my perception of colors; for some reason I have a lot of trouble allocating my palette when it comes to images; My wife, however, is. (Bother bother bother.) I consider myself more of an inker.
- Develop the lore and background of my Promised Ark universe; though my characters feel original in regards to design and have back stories and such, perhaps solidifying some cool, original mythology will help give me a bigger canvas to work with, and increase the intrigue of the world of Bestia-Zhod.
Well, here's to the New Year! I'll work hard at it!
chipper
scared
angry
depressed
confused
creative